So instead of working on a script like I should be doing right now (duh) I’m instead sitting here stressing out about something that doesn’t even matter at all (duh). 

In middle school I had the biggest crush in the entire world on my best friend (I feel the need to change his name which is stupid because if he ever read this it would be totally obvious I was writing about him, but I’m going to change it anyway because I’m kind of a coward I guess, there’s a Gustav Klimt painting on the wall opposite me so let’s call him Gus) Gus. I mean, do you guys remember those raging middle school crushes where you were really just starting to figure out what it is you might like in another person? Anyway I was in pretty hardcore puppy love with Gus but at the time he was into one of our mutual friends and it kind of broke my little heart.

Then high school started and it was one of those things where we both went back and forth between liking each other and not, never at the same time. It just never worked out for us, but we were always really good friends. Until I went away to college and then we kind of lost touch. 

But when I graduated from college and moved back home due to absolute brokeness and crippling student loan debt, he was there and we became friends again. But, he has this girlfriend that he’s been with for like, years and they’re almost definitely going to get married and this is really upsetting to me. 

AND NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH HIM, I don’t. I mean, of course I always was like, “hey what if?”, I mean, if this were a movie the natural rom-com story arc would bring us together romantically in the end. He’s the absolute best guy I know and I love him. But I’ve been around him and his girlfriend and I can tell they really love each other and they’re grossly adorable together to the point where once at a party I literally almost threw up. I want them to be happy. BUT I ALSO SECRETLY WANT TO MARRY GUS BECAUSE HE HAS THE BEST PARENTS. Seriously, I am way more into the idea of being with his parents forever than I am with being with him. 

Every time I see them they pretty much go crazy with love for me and they just hug me lots and tell me I’m beautiful and wonderful and that they miss me and wish I was around more. They’re so funny and so nice and so cool and so fun to hang out with. Also they get drunk and dance and I really appreciate that characteristic in a human, like on a fundamental level. People who don’t like to dance can GTFO as far as I’m concerned. 

So basically I guess, can I marry his parents? Can they adopt me or something? Or is it acceptable for me to just show up at their house sometimes just to hang out with them? And Gus will like, walk in and me and his parents will just be drinking whiskey and dancing in his kitchen and I’ll be like, “lol hey” and he’ll be like, “this is weird bye”.

Sounds like a plan to me.